It's not me, it's You.

[Unoriginal. Blase.]

Dover paperback of T.S. on the floor and glad that he can voice his frustration with the ordinary in a poem that everyone reads for ENGL 102 in all the universities.

For all that, he wasn't content until he found Jesus. . .rather, until Jesus picked him up from the realm of darkness and melancholy stanzas and brought him to the kingdom of light and epigraphs of praise with endless, flawless poetry following them.

There You are, LORD. I was in my angsty bunker inhaling mustard gas all too willingly.

The air's clearing when You come.

You always do when I intend to copy pre-Jesus T.S. - whether I want You to or not.

Help me want Your presence, O my Saviour.

[New. Vibrant.]

More Spirit-taught lessons...

Things I'm learning recently, by God's grace:

1] Be gentle in speaking truth. Real truth is usually sharp & hard-hitting enough, & doesn't need extra sharpness added to it.

2] Be brief & concise in your speech. Say what needs to be said & speak more Scripture than your own words. Don't fall in love with the sound of your own voice- that'll make it easier to be quick to listen, slow to speak. (James 1:19)

3] Watch out for cynicism. Never know who might be wounded by it.

4] Keep commitments, no matter how difficult it is to do so.

5] Work ahead in school, etc- never regrettable.

6] Actually pray. Don't tell someone you'll pray for them unless you actually will. Better to be silent than to lie.

7] Don't watch the clock when in church, class, or a meeting. Learn to listen & develop a buff attention span.

8] Live fully where you are. Text less, talk to people face-to-face more often.

9]God's grace is greater than any troubles- He disciplines those Whom He loves. Make sure you suffer for doing good, & not for sinning. (1 Peter 2:20)

1 Peter 5:6-11, "Humble yourselves, therefore, under the mighty hand of God so that at the proper time he may exalt you, casting all your anxieties on him, because he cares for you. Be sober-minded; be watchful. Your adversary the devil prowls around like a roaring lion, seeking someone to devour. Resist him, firm in your faith, knowing that the same kinds of suffering are being experienced by your brotherhood throughout the world. And after you have suffered a little while, the God of all grace, who has called you to his eternal glory in Christ, will himself restore, confirm, strengthen, and establish you. To him be the dominion forever and ever. Amen."

[Proverbs 31] -- the Spirit's challenge of my cynicism.

So....to all my siblings (especially sisters, likely, but some of this will apply to the brothers as well) ...who's seen those journals with 'Charm is deceptive & beauty is fleeting, but a woman who fears the LORD is to be praised'? (usually written in curly font with flowers encircling the words-- see picture)

I sure have. I've gotten a few in gift exchanges & now they live in a dumpster or a landfill somewhere. Ironically, I've never received a journal that had Ecclesiastes 7:26 (one of my life verses) inscribed on it, 'And I find more bitter than death a woman who is a trap, her heart a net, & her hands chains. The one who pleases God will escape her, but the sinner will be captured by her.'

If there was a journal with that written on it, I'd buy it. And give it to my friends. But maybe that's just me.

Anyhow, the point I'm trying to communicate is-- does Proverbs 31 intimidate you even slightly? Asking both sisters & brothers this one, 'cause the first part of P31 is about men, by the ways. King Lemuel's Mama is tellin' him not to spend his strength on women, not to be enslaved to wine, & to fight for the rights of the oppressed. Perhaps it's not accidental that before a passage about how women ought to conduct themselves there's a shout out to the men as well.

Then there's also the cultural difference-- I've heard lots of girls joke around about how when they're wives they're totally gonna be making wool & flax textiles & selling in the marketplace -- very sarcastically & in an offhand way. Part of that perhaps (er, decidedly) comes from the fact that the girls I've heard make those comments (mmkay, confession: I'm one of those girls myself) are single.

I can only wonder if when a single girl who made those comments gets married if all of the sudden she's searching through P31 frantically because she realizes that marriage is actually a job.

(speculating partially, also going off my Mum's counsel & also my sisters)

In any case, I'm fleeing my unholy cynicism towards a chapter that is part of the living & active Word of God, which the Holy Spirit of God wrote (1 Peter 1:20). He wrote it very purposefully, and when viewed in combination with the rest of God's revelation to us, it's a very exquisite passage.

Many many times in the Word God's people are compared to whores, a faithless bride who has wandered away from her husband & sought many lovers. Likewise, each of us, before God called us out of sin, were in darkness, defiling ourselves with our lustful passions (Romans 7:5)

But-- oh, 1 Corinthians 6:11--
"Some of you were like this; but you were washed, you were sanctified, you were justified in the name of the Lord Jesus Christ and by the Spirit of our God."

Called & chosen by the Father (Ephesians 1:3-5) and justified by Jesus, indwelled by the Spirit, enabled to be righteous.

The Proverbs 31 woman & also the Proverbs 31 man-- people with whom God, their spouses, their children, & the Christians & often even non-believers who interact with them are pleased with-- Word-minded & Word-loving people, are not to be scoffed at, but exemplify the kind of holiness we should desire-- the holiness of those who have been saved by Christ. We can only pursue this holiness by His grace. Always & only by His grace which He grants rich & free to those who humble themselves before Him.

So the next time your Bible study leader gives you a Proverbs 31:30 engraved journal, resist the sarcastic thoughts welling up inside of you-- instead, let it serve as a reminder that the Spirit can make you into a woman whose "works deserve praise at the city gates" (er, or on her Facebook page. Or whatever the modern equivalent of a city gate happens to be.)

Verses/notes on doctrine of election

Mediate theology says that God looked down & saw who would choose Him. However, a close look at the text does not support this view, as it would give us some credit for our salvation, which we do not deserve. Soli Deo Gloria (to God alone belongs all glory)
Romans 8:28-30 – “foreknew” proginosko- “to know beforehand” –intimate knowledge of the individual, not just the fact of whether they’d choose Him or not. Also, in this passage there is the repetition of how God foreknow, God predestined, God called- it’s Him doing everything.
Matthew 7:21-22 – “many” will be shown fall- but not “all” –that’s good. Nevertheless, there are many who masquerade as Christians. (2 Peter 2:1, 2 Timothy 3:5)
God’s foreknowledge is His gracious, merciful sovereign choice to enter into a personal relationship with a person.
Jeremiah 1:5- sanctified, ordained by God for God’s purposes & glory
Ephesians 1:4-6 –very clear, & in context still is. 2 Timothy 1:9- not because of works but because of His own purposes & grace, Colossians 1:4, 1 Thes. 1:4, Titus 1:1, Col. 3:12, 1 Peter 1:2,Divine Acts Philippians 1:6, Ezekiel 36:26-27- God will cause His people to walk in His ways
Effective call- Matt 22:14, Romans 10:14-15, 8:28-30, 1 Cor. 1:24, Ephesians 1:18-20 – God is the One Who calls, & He finishes what He starts (Philippians 1:6)
Correct statement is indeed: Christ died for the sins of the elect- Romans 5:6-11 – does indeed emphasize how Christ, Spirit, & Father do everything for us- we don’t contribute to our salvation by works or with our own will- John 1:12-13.
Matthew 13- there is a distinction between sons of God & sons of Satan. Just how it is according to the Word of God (sorry, Rob Bell…)
Pre-fall Adam/us:
Adam& us- ability to sin- yes
Adam/us- ability to not sin- yes for Adam, no for us (Psalm 53:3, Romans 3:23) – we can’t not sin
Ability to not die- yes for Adam, no for us- we can’t not die
Once Adam & Eve ate of the tree, the covenant of works ended, & the covenant of grace was made- this is the covenant we now live under. Righteous shall live by faith (Habakkuk 2:2) unjust shall live by works.
John 6:44-45- “draws” – pulling nets, full of fish, towards the shore requires force. God draws us like that, by His might. Everyone who’s drawn will come (irresistible grace), Acts 16:14, Ephesians 2:1-5, Colossians 2:13, Titus 3:4-5, Acts 13:14- God makes us alive (never ourselves bringing life- Isaiah 26:18)
Hebrews 12:2- Jesus is the author & finisher of our faith- praises up!

sparrows.

I remembered the foreign land of the blogosphere a few days ago, & tried to forget it because I wasn't sure what I'd write. . .

Regina Spektor music, cut-outs & clothes scattered around my room (if I could unpack & re-pack as quickly as I can read a children's book, it wouldn't be like that) & a terrarium Mum made sitting on my bedside table. Hmm. Green. Life.

John M.'s book ''Safe in the Arms of God'' about the salvation of babies has brought me a great deal of comfort, especially since I have recently been only a few hundred yards away from a place where innocents were killed. However, I saw one mother & her baby leave the dark graveyard & walk into the sunshine, to go home together. It was truly beautiful. I wish you could've seen her face, her relief, reader. It made the shaky knees & sunburned face I got from that day eternally worthwhile.

Jesus did it-- He let me see it, though. Why? Well, why does He save His elect?

1 Peter 2:6-- "But you are a chosen race, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, a people for his own possession, that you may proclaim the excellencies of him who called you out of darkness into his marvelous light."

God's excellencies are beyond number, but one excellency I can proclaim in this post is how He orchestrates life. How not one sparrow escapes His notice, no less a mother wrestling with the hardest choice she's ever faced. That's my King. My King who restores His faithless bride, because He promised, & because...He does love her & yearn for her.

I'd forgotten, but His Spirit & the Word He wrote reminded me:

"You have granted me life and steadfast love,and your care has preserved my spirit."

(Job 10:12)

Leaving for the Springs in a few weeks, taking in this time to read massive amounts of varying tomes, enjoying my parent's company, & eating bacon (as if I had to record that :P)

Learning a great deal about the doctrines of grace, too, which is exciting.

Wondering-- is the 'real world' that very much different from the one I live in now? Are the colors different? Will I have a different teeth once I graduate college & join this legendary real world place? Is the food better or worse? Please don't tell me there's no caffeine there.

[sarcastic curiousity...mm yis...mm]

Very nearly the shifting of today into tomorrow, so ...one day closer to you, my Mr. Depraved, whoever you may be.
But much more exhilaratingly--

One day closer to Your return, my great & wondrous King.

"all who look to Him are radiant with joy..."

re-learning over & over that vibrance can only come from Jesus.

the other week when i was listless & seemed to have lost myself, it was because I wasn't drinking from the true source.

Oh, Spirit, quicken me when i falter, which is so often...

[ brightly wound ]

it's been much too long since i've written....

hmm.

most significant event of late- hadn't shaved since oct. 31, 2010, & shaved yesterday, march 8, 2011. werewolf winter was WAHNDERFALL.

my girlfriend sonja & i are as in love as ever ;)

& becoming friends with new, randomosity, stunning people . ..

going home for spring break at the end of this week.

would rather dream away the fact that i've an accounting test tomorrow.

God's reality is truth.

baby echidnas --> THE CUTEST!!!!

<3,

em

La sangre de Jesús: dirty streets now clean

This is a testimony of a man in a Brazilian village- I wrote it out but it's his story, and God did it. All glory to Him!

I spent most of my time, stealing, scraping up money and acquiring debts I couldn't pay, selling myself and my life to fermented corn instead of growing it for my now-motherless children who, for all I cared, could run wild.
When the white Christians came, I cursed them in my drunkenness and also on the rare days I was sober.

I hoped that my rotted teeth and see-through ribcage shocked them, made them feel guilty for their white teeth and fleshy bodies.

They tried to care for my children, and I hated the guilt that incurred on me. I went to their meetings to mock them- no curiousity in my mind, only hatred.

One week my last friend I had been borrowing money from abandoned me and I stayed sober for a few days- a miracle for me- and went to the Christian's meeting...

They read "la palabra de Dios" - I heard about mi pecado, la sangre de Jesús, y el cielo y el infierno. I was struck with fear.

I fled the streets to the jungle, and sat on a tree and called out to Jesús. He heard me. He cleaned my heart- all the dirty streets were now clean. My shriveled body felt strong, and I leapt up to praise this God.

No longer am I lost in debt and drunkenness- I reconciled with my wife and children. Now I'm learning about la palabra de Dios and going out to tell everyone I can about Jesús.

God has seen fit to bless this village. He did this.

[summer weather in our hearts]

Basically have been sharing this excerpt with anyone & everyone all day long!

"If I sin and am rebellious, help me to repent;
then take away my mourning and give me music;
remove my sackcloth and adorn me with beauty;
take away my sighs and fill my mouth with songs;
and when I am restored and rest in thee
give me summer weather in my heart."
-Valley of Vision

Since I'm not accustomed to cold weather, really, it's a rather wonderful concept for it to always be summertime somehow:)

Over break I met up with my friend Mohamed who's a Muslim. We've met to talk about Jesus several times, and his disbelief that Jesus can be fully God and yet fully man is understandable. Why would God humble Himself so much? The answers we have are in Ephesians 2 and Philippians 2...because of "the great love with which He loved us." (Eph 2:4)

"O astonishing grace that the reprobate race should be reconciled-- what a wonder of wonders that God is a child!" - Although Christmas has passed, I feel rather like Scrooge after his transformation- being amazed by & keeping Christmas in my heart all year 'round.

Then reminders are embedded in every aspect of life of WHY Jesus had to come- "the reprobate race" bit. . .

Sin. Ezekiel 23 where Israel's sin is described as the worst of whoring, so graphic it makes me sick, but also curious. Then I realize that the curiosity and wicked delight at reading it only proves that in my heart I am the harlot I'm reading about.

= total depravity.

But at that moment, grace interrupts.

Jesus says that yes, Emma, you are a reprobate, but my Father wants you as His daughter & I want you for my sister and as an heir of my righteousness & eternal joy worshiping my Father.

Then, truly, it is summer weather in my heart.

(Thanks to Emily Charles & Victoria Lee for helping me find the picture:)

[We want to see with other eyes, to imagine with other imaginations, to feel with other hearts]

C.S. Lewis' conjecture on why we read:

"The nearest I have yet got to answer is that we seek an enlargement of our being. We want to be more than ourselves. Each of us by nature sees the whole world from one point of view with a perspective and a selectiveness peculiar to himself. And even when we build disinterested fantasies, they are saturated with, and limited by, our own psychology. To acquiesce in this particularity on the sensuous level—in other words, not to discount perspective—would be lunacy. We should then believe that the railway line really grew narrower as it receded into the distance. But we want to escape the illusions of perspective on higher levels too. We want to see with other eyes, to imagine with other imaginations, to feel with other hearts, as well as with our own."

(which is why i fear for this generation who doesn't read as much...have we stopped demanding windows, stopped desiring to 'imagine with other imaginations, to feel with other hearts?' oh, i pray not!)

Eitherways, this weekend I was re-reading the third in the Melendy quartet by Elisabeth Enright, a phenomonal author. Her books are indescribably well-worded with normal people/children doing basically ordinary things but also capturing all of the things about life that we love but don't notice-- like how you see crazy colors & circles when you rub your eyes a lot, etc.

All wonderful books send this message to my brain which then for some reason shoots the info to my salivary glands that this book is good which in turn causes them to produce this reading-related saliva that's warm & merry-happy & completely unique & only comes when I read something excellent.

It's weird, but so so marvelous. Sharing that online was totally socially unacceptable too, I daresay :P

Also, a daydream I had today was about living in the Library of Congress in a fort made out of books--

Atlases for the roof (caroline thought up that bit of constructive genius:), C.S. Lewis as windowframes, an eclectic mix of Plato, Aristotle, and children's authors like Roald Dahl for the ladder, Flannery O'Connor as the floor (trample;) and much other literary architecture.

One of Jesus' names & manifestations is as the Word of God. God spoke the world into existence & gifted humans with speech. As always, all good things trace back to God.

[Soli Deo Gloria.]

on a really really (REALLY) unrelated side note:

I love NAPOLEON DYNAMITE!!!
i put a few pictures above.

quotes i've been slightly obsessing over:

"The defect in this one is bleach."

"I guess I will build her a cake or something."

"But my lips hurt real bad! Gosh!"

"Do the chickens have large talons?"

"Just practicing some..*chug* ...dance moves."

(ALL TIME FAVORITE!!)

"If you vote for me, all of your wildest dreams will come true."

-Not sure why i love it so much, but for right now it's a favourite.