[instead of a show]

...when we are faithless, God is faithful.

the impact of those words just hit me head-on.

think on it.

so many wonderful moments that deserve to be written down:

-- second to God's sovereign grace o'er sin abounding, my life's been so full of BACON this last few weeks:

-per capita, i get three or four bacon-related texts or pictures from people i haven't talked to in a few months.

--rickster bought me a BACON AIR-FRESHENER/aka "man candle" ;) it's very strong & my clothes now smell deliciously butcher-shop scented. . .

--bacon flavored dental floss from caroline!

--sonja's knitting me something similar to what's pictured.

& basically, I'm so grateful Christ has brought in the new Kingdom that frees His people to eat PIG!

Two candlelight services last night & the brightness of the city on a hill that God has built for His glory...


then presents this morn were just incredible- with the two new husbands in & so much laughter &

PILLOW PETS.

Most of all, it's the knitted-togetherness in Christ.

Praise Him, praise Him...

I LOOOOVE CHRISTMAS!!!!!!!!!

the title says most of it! TWO MORE DAYS!!!

(riveting post, i know ;)


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zO7RruPSKvw&feature=BF&list=QL&index=26

have a listen for more proof of mankind's total depravity....*

*disclaimer: i'm kidding. kind of.

also, i'm wearing the reindeer antlers to protect myself from the zombie elves who might wanna eat my braiiinz!!!!

[no victory, no sting]

1 Corinthians 15:6

[The last enemy to be destroyed is death]

Jesus was the only One ever truly born a King.

& The manger leading the cross leading to His return...mm it's amazing. Rejoice in Christ, all of my brothers & sisters redeemed from depravity!

(you too, Mr. depraved)

The house You're building/hey,reader, you're probably in this post!!!! (which means you should read it :P)

This song is wonderful:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LSFUBaeQbNk&feature=BF&list=QL&index=20

(thanks bethany for the introduction)

So.

Yesterday at missions prayer Bethany came in & a bit into the few minutes we talk before praying, she announced:

"I have a confession to make. I read your blog."

Me: "Wow. Really? What d'you think of it?"

Bethany: "It's good. Hey Ricki, do you know you're on Emma's blog?"

Ricki: "I am?"

Me: "uhh..."

(Sonja walks in)

Bethany: "Sonja, you're on it too!"

(Josiah enters)

"Hey, so are you! Oh, and Zac, you are too..."

[[Katie probably asked if she was, & hasn't been-- YET, so-- Katie Albright, I LOVE YOU. You are so so wonderful.]]

Me: "You're making it sound so much creepier than just a list of people I'm thankful God's put in my life . . ."

Then later on when we were writing prayer requests on the board & just having a phenomenal time of it, and something funny (rats can't remember) happened, Ricki burst out: "You should put this on your blog!"

Henceforetowith (yeh that's a word NOW) here I am, blogging about all of you.

So if you get around to reading this, know that I love you all. & I thank my God every time I remember you.

Gonna steal Paul's words to express it:

" I thank my God in all my remembrance of you, always in every prayer of mine for you all making my prayer with joy, because of your partnership in the gospel from the first day until now. And I am sure of this, that he who began a good work in you will bring it to completion at the day of Jesus Christ. It is right for me to feel this way about you all, because I hold you in my heart, for you are all partakers with me of grace, both in my imprisonment and in the defense and confirmation of the gospel. For God is my witness, how I yearn for you all with the affection of Christ Jesus. And it is my prayer that your love may abound more and more, with knowledge and all discernment, so that you may approve what is excellent, and so be pure and blameless for the day of Christ, filled with the fruit of righteousness that comes through Jesus Christ, to the glory and praise of God."

Phillippians 1:3-11

Also, another thing we covered over dinner after MP last night is that I REALLY REALLY wish that I had been born in the Puritan era (reading & praying through valley of vision only makes the wish stronger)...Pilgrim's a great last name, but Puritan would be better. Mr. Depraved, name changes only cost a couple hundred bucks...could we possibly? - Please pray about it ;)

Yes, we are hideous without Christ, but in Him we are truly lovely & pure & perfect.

Mm. Press on. I love you all with more than mere sentiment, because of the Father, Son, & Spirit. All glory to them.

-ms. (on my own) depraved/ ms. (in Christ) redeemed & lovely

p.s. if you aren't directly in this post & really feel as if you were misled by the title, you can win a chance at achieving world fame by having me ghost write your autobiography or biography of your exciting life (for a fee of trident layers & a few new chuck norris jokes ;)

[all the small things]/"hideous without Christ"

SWEET MERCIFUL BISCUITS.

Where to start about the past few weeks?

Went home for Thanksgiving. One of the best reformed moments happened during dinner on Thursday - as everyone went around saying what we're thankful for, I said: "I'm so thankful that I'm elect."

Earned me some odd stares & eyebrow raises, plus some "Only here can you say that freely- imagine if you said that with all the extended family around, they'd be pretty weirded out..."

-For which I'm also very grateful, that I have free speech in America & in my house :)

Also good moments at home: catching a catfish out kayaking Mosquito Lagoon with Dad :) ...fed a numerous amount of skeeters there too...

Skipping forward to this Monday, a ruther embarrassing moment. Was walking through the bookstore parking lot with my new friend Austin, and had just accidentally said a word I've been trying not to say, then we were talking about James 3:
"[N]o human being can tame the tongue. It is a restless evil, full of deadly poison. 9With it we bless our Lord and Father, and with it we curse people who are made in the likeness of God. 10From the same mouth come blessing and cursing. My brothers, these things ought not to be so. 11Does a spring pour forth from the same opening both fresh and salt water? 12Can a fig tree, my brothers, bear olives, or a grapevine produce figs? Neither can a salt pond yield fresh water."

I was emphatically quoting it & not watching where I was going so I ran straight into someone's side mirror on their ghetto car. It must've been loose, 'cause it fell off...for a full 30 seconds we just stood there staring at it, while people walking by snickered wickedly.

I now feel as if I know (if only very slightly) what it'd feel like to break off a chunk of a precious Greek statue. [how can i say? it feels as if your eyeballs falling into your esophagus & your toes are instinctively curling in your boots from horror.]

Left a note- they ain't called me yet.

This week began the 24/7 prayer on our hall, our sister & bro dorms. Hit the prayer room today & had the hardest time concentrating. SPIRIT EMPOWER ME. I am so WEAK.

& Yesterday was an old self day :/ Ricki & I had lunch & she is SUCH AN ENCOURAGEMENT! - She's my Jonathan.

Then through Christ, Java reminded me of God's kindness that is intended to lead us to repentance, & of how it is only Christ who saves us from our mad-depravity:

"Praise God so much! Because I am so hideous without Him. & No offense, but you would be too."

(offense taken by my sin nature that hates how true that is, but the Spirit won my mind back to see how lovely the beauty of grace IS)

Very very grateful for the people God's given me this past year/semester:

Sonja Tucker

Jessica B

Josiah Wegner

Rickster

Ben

Zac Canfield

Katie

Kenny

Emily

Victoria

the fam!!! Caroline, Cate, Han, Abs, Mum, Dad, Jerms, Pablo

24 DAYS 'TIL CHRISTMAS!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Mz1Mzb-wD-U <--quoting this constantly!

"if we open all the boxes straightaway now...."

"the horse with twigs on his head!"

& waterdeep's pandora brings up incredible worship music.


All the time now I just want to share the richness of life with every Christian alive, but in Christ they have it whether we share it together over dinner or not, so I can rejoice in the Lord always & so can they!

- still a battle, but this is a fantasmic time of refreshing, now.

Christmas lights up in our postage-stamp-sized dorm room, sharpening a candy cane to a dagger-point right now :)

Much much affection in Christ,

ms. depraved

p.s. Thinking about writing a musical about a Liberty student who works in the Rot & has a horrible, awful, no-good day then gets fed up with working there & steals everyone's Flames passes (which you have to have to get into the Rot) so no one can come anymore. then he can have a song sequence dancing through the empty rot & eating all the cake :P

then there can be a scene with students in their dorms eating gruel & weeping from hunger.

& then go to campus church or something, get convicted, have a Scrooge/Grinch-esque change of heart, then return everyone's Flames passes & make gourmet meals for everyone.

silly idea, but it's fun to think those up :)

"[Abraham] grew strong in his faith as he gave glory to God" - an exhortation to my own heart & to Mr. Depraved's

Dear Mr. Depraved (and other readers)

So today I picked up "The Cost of Discipleship" by Dietrich B! Hopefully you'll read it soon if you haven't already so we can gush about it together!

& hey, this made me laugh alots-

http://stuffchristianslike.net/2008/05/240-kirk-cameron/

stuff Christians like can be a lil' iffy, but often amusing...

Here's my main thought for this letter--

Romans 4:13-25:

"For the promise to Abraham and his offspring that he would be heir of the world did not come through the law but through the righteousness of faith. 14 For if it is the adherents of the law who are to be the heirs, faith is null and the promise is void. 15For the law brings wrath, but where there is no law there is no transgression.

16That is why it depends on faith, in order that the promise may rest on grace and be guaranteed to all his offspring—not only to the adherent of the law but also to the one who shares the faith of Abraham, who is the father of us all, 17as it is written, "I have made you the father of many nations"—in the presence of the God in whom he believed, who gives life to the dead and calls into existence the things that do not exist. 18In hope he believed against hope, that he should become the father of many nations, as he had been told, "So shall your offspring be." 19He did not weaken in faith when he considered his own body, which was as good as dead ( since he was about a hundred years old), or when he considered the barrenness of Sarah’s womb. 20No distrust made him waver concerning the promise of God, but he grew strong in his faith as he gave glory to God, fully convinced that God was able to do what he had promised. 22That is why his faith was "counted to him as righteousness." 23But the words "it was counted to him" were not written for his sake alone, 24but for ours also. It will be counted to us who believe in him who raised from the dead Jesus our Lord, 25 who was delivered up for our trespasses and raised for our justification."

WHAT.

Here's my stream-of-consciousness as I journaled about this passage-

"Abraham: not justified by works, but by faith-- Rich Mullins, "Screen Door" - 'Faith comes from God & every word that He breathes"

Only because of the PROMISE that GOD made Abraham was able to put his faith into sometime- because God's promise & covenant were true (*ARE TRUE NOW)

-So even in our faith it's still all glory to God & like it says in 4:20 - our faith can only become stronger if we acknowledge all glory to God.

The only reason faith is even possible & of worth is because God gives us true promises & hope to put our faith in.

Wow x a gazillion.

So, Mr. (totally) Depraved, grow strong in your faith in giving all glory to God & Jesus & His blood, as this sinful-apart-from-Christ Ms. (totally) Depraved does the same, by His grace.

[Soli Deo Gloria]

O Great God- Valley of Vision

O Fountain of all good, Destroy in me every lofty thought,
Break pride to pieces and scatter it to the winds,
Annihilate each clinging shred of self-righteousness,
Implant in me true lowliness of spirit,
Abase me to self-loathing and self-abhorrence,
Open in me a fount of penitential tears,
Break me, then bind me up;
Thus will my heart be a prepared dwelling for my God;
Then can the Father take up his abode in me,
Then can the blessed Jesus come with healing in his touch,
Then can the Holy Spirit descend in sanctifying grace;
O Holy Trinity, three Persons and one God,
inhabit me, a temple consecrated to thy glory.
When thou art present, evil cannot abide;
In thy fellowship is fullness of joy,
Beneath thy smile is peace of conscience,
By thy side no fears disturb,
no apprehensions banish rest of mind,
With thee my heart shall bloom with fragrance;
Make me meet, through repentance,
for thine indwelling.
Nothing exceeds thy power,
Nothing is too great for thee to do,
Nothing too good for thee to give.
Infinite is thy might, boundless thy love,
limitless thy grace, glorious thy saving name.
Let angels sing for
sinners repenting,
prodigals restored,
backsliders reclaimed,
Satan’s captives released,
blind eyes opened,
broken hearts bound up,
the despondent cheered,
the self-righteous stripped,
the formalist driven from a refuge of lies,
the ignorant enlightened,
and saints built up in their holy faith.
I ask great things of a great God.

This past weekend with Ben (potential Mr. Depraved ;) & Mr. Luhrsen, we read alot of hymns & had rich conversations about grace. So grateful for those kinds of weekends. This one ought to be more of the same- time with Cate & Caroline & sisters :)

1/111039495 of hyperbole

i thought i could try to draw like allie brosh...y'know, just random microsoft paint pictures ...it's hard.



what is that, an owl batman wannabe?

i'm...not sure.

rejoice & lament

Josh Garrels came on shuffle on a long run through autumn-streaked mountains yesterday...

Learn this lesson well, my friend

There's a time to rejoice and lament

Every season will find an end

All will fade and be made new again

Standing on the rocks of the railroad tracks

Feet calloused, eyes open, sun beats on my back

As I gaze upon the unseen winds

And they are wandering, whispering

Wisdom that's eternal

From the heart to the mind

To the hand to the journal

Now the kernel of the seeds in the cleft of the rock

And it's watered by the winds

Having power to unlock and

Stop the clock of chronological logic

With its homogenized systems

That are dead and can't dodge it

Being deaf to the voice of the Almighty One

Spirit illumines the dark like a fire

Revealing the way that was hidden but is higher

Now we must travel on the wings

That will never grow tired

Of searching the mysteries of God

I said Father the feathers of my wax wings

Fall away by the rising of the sun

And I have descended when I was undone

And I will ascend when your Spirit comes

Because what's been done and overcome

Cannot be stopped by the power of any human

Like the number of sand we will stand

And we will fall, all

In the face of an eternal call

But those who call on His name

In the midst of the pain

In the guilt and the shame

And the world full of blame

And all the bloody stains

From the unjust gains

I learned all men suffer the same

Because we're wayward sons

And all our jokes betray

Our foolish hearts and our selfish ways

But if we would turn to the Father's grace

We would never be the same

This is an unseen land of a devastated soul

That's prepared in contemplative silence

For the mighty working hand of an unseen Lord

To come restore this land from its violence

I said walk another mile

Stare across the fields of grain

This is how the prophets train

Learn this lesson well my friend

There's a time to rejoice and lament

Every season will find an end

All will fade and be made new again

- a reversed thought process & valley of vision

This morning in Evangelism Jennifer Barrick spoke in our class...a few years ago the Barrick family was hit head-on by a drunk driver going 80 miles per hour. Miraculously, all four of them survived. Jen was in a coma for a few weeks, and when she woke up she, although having suffered massive brain damage & motor skills, she remembered every Bible verse & praise song & woke up speaking of God's goodness...her Mom talked about how after that night their lives have drastically changed- and physical social acceptability is so invaluable compared to how they're able to glorify God & share the gospel with so many now.

TAKE THAT, SOCIAL ACCEPTABILITY!

Here's their website:

http://hopeoutloud.com/index.html

Also, in a conversation Caroline & I had last night she told me about how a friend of hers wrote to her about feeling gawky & awkward frequently. Her reply- JESUS WAS AWKWARD. what?!?

-He hung naked in front of huge crowds on a holiday weekend.

Really.

And we are concerned for how we're viewed by people.

Not that it isn't important to measure our actions-

in Acts 5:14 it describes Peter & other believers --

"the people held them in high esteem."

So, in news of social acceptableness, I didn't do so awesomely today, since i gathered colossal amounts of leaves from gutters & drew ridiculous caricatures of people on Microsoft paint.

Point of this post, though: to UPSET the STATUS QUO FOR JESUS' NAME.

& Now for reformed-ness, some valley of vision

(future hubby, we can read this together on a picnic! ;)

THE PRECIOUS BLOOD:

Blessed Lord Jesus,

Before thy cross I kneel and see
the heinousness of my sin,
my inequity that caused thee to be
"made a curse",
the evil that excites the severity
of divine wrath.
Show me the enormity of my guilt by
the crown of thorns,
the pierced hands and feet,
the bruised body,
the dying cries.
Thy blood is the blood of incarnate God,
its worth infinite, its value beyond all thought.
Infinite must be the evil and guilt
that demands such a price.
Sin is my malady, my monster, my foe, my viper,
born in my birth,
alive in my life,
strong in my character,
dominating my faculties,
following me as a shadow,
intermingling with my every thought,
my chain that holds me captive in the
empire of my soul.
Sinner that I am, why should the sun give me light,
the air supply breath,
the earth bear my tread,
its fruits nourish me,
its creatures subserve my ends?
Yet thy compassions yearn over me,
thy heart hastens to my rescue,
thy love endured my curse,
thy mercy bore my deserved stripes.
Let me walk humbly in the lowest depths
of humiliation,
bathed in thy blood,
tender of conscience,
triumphing gloriously as an heir of salvation.

(The Valley of Vision pg. 74-75, unknown author)

the premise: reformed journals & social acceptableness.

hullo, very small slice of the pie chart that represents the number of people who might so happen to read this sometime. i'd also like to throw out RIGHT NOW that i read a lot of hyperbole & a half & i love it & allie brosh is awesome & she inspired me to actually blog & i'm not as creatively hilarious as she is. however, I know she needs Jesus...so i be prayin for her. yep, so i confess to partial plagiarism because i'm adapting her writing style. not as good with microsoft paint as she is, though!

awhile ago i was facebook chatting with the friend-boy (something we only do every quarter century or so, because, unlike me, he isn't a facebook addict...) & the conversation was much too bland, so I injected what i considered a hilarious clever suggestion-

me: "can we get a pet chinchilla & then when it starts smelling up the house & we can't afford to buy food for it, then we can turn it into a bathmat."

friend-boy: "erm...no, i don't think that'd be socially acceptable."

which got me thinking-- how many other ideas do I have or things do I do that aren't "socially acceptable"?

-it was when i found myself taking off my shoes on my walk back from classes ('cause of blisters, because I HATE SOCKS) or when i put peanut butter on hamburgers or introduced myself via pick-up line to the girl in the cafeteria line & she just looks at me strangely.

the day after wearing my hello kitty flannel pajama shirt to class, I resolved to be more socially acceptable!

So, instead of eating lemon juice class packets in class because I'd missed breakfast, I calmly chewed a piece of Orbit. Instead of introducing myself via pick up line, I segwayed (sp?) into it much more conventionally....well, almost. If paraphrase quoting Disney movies is conventional.
Mulan: "I see you have a sword...so do I. They're so...manly..."
"I see you have an I.D. card...so do I. They're so...college student-y..."


I shall carry on!

Also, more to come on reformed girl journal. For now, I'm just gazing wistfully at my tulips & thinking about John 17, augustine, & the total depravity of my heart & how much I need the blood of Jesus in every moment. praises up for grace upon grace from our good God, amen? AAAMMEEEN!!!!!!!!!

<3,

em

p.s. do I look socially normal nomming on that apple? ;)

relient k wasn't exaggerating (;

someone please save us, us college kids!
what my parents told me is what i did
they said go to school and be a college kid
but in the end i question why i did

i'm poor, i'm starving, i'm flat broke, i've got no cash to spend
sell all my books for front row tickets to dave matthews band
my girlfriend's at another school, i know this year will test her
i called, found out she had three other boyfriends last semester

and that's why i say
oh no! not for me, not for me
call it torture, call it university
no! arts and crafts is all i need
i'll take calligraphy and then i'll make a fake degree

80 grand later i found out that all that i had learned
is that you should show up to take your finals and your midterms
the party scene is kinda mean, i think it's sick and twisted
the navy showed up at my dorm and claimed that i enlisted

and that's why i say
oh no! not for me, not for me
call it torture, call it university
no! arts and crafts is all i need
i'll take calligraphy and then i'll make a fake degree

don't get excited. she'll say "no" without a doubt you see
and i've decided college girls just won't go out with me
they make me nervous and they always catch me off my guard
like cell phone services i drop out cause college is too hard

it's time to call my father
cause it's his alma mater
good grades aren't what they seem
i think he knows the dean
it's time to call my father
cause it's his alma mater
he says he's proud of me
but college always was his dream
and i would always say it's not for me

oh no! not for me, not for me
call it torture, call it university
no! arts and crafts is all i need
i'll take calligraphy and then i'll make a fake degree

someone please save us, us college kids!
what my parents told me is what i did
they said go to school and be a college kid
but in the end i question why i did

do what will make you happy
do what you feel is right
only but one thing matters
learn how to live your life

[in background:]
(phi, beta, delta, cappa
someone please save us, us college kids!
what my parents told me is what i did
they said go to school and be a college kid
but in the end i question why i did)

do what will make God happy
do what you feel is right
only but one thing matters
learn how to live your life

geometry was never my strong point....

WHITE SULPHUR SPRINGS SUMMER '10:

-common enemy bonded the family together-

3rd & 4th graders wrote each other weird notes:

"when i'm old i'll have 100 cats."

"what will you name them?"

"sweet stuff."

"all of them?"

"no. only 50. the other 50 i will name bob?"

"what do you think about boys?"

"I have not yet gotten to the point of liking boys."

JENNY HEMPEN-

is amazing. cheyenne hilary is her car- explanation's in my head.

-as for the love triangle, it's more of an invisible straight line now...

hence the title. all you team members of each side just settle down. kind of.

God does everything with His glory in mind. But His love & salvation does glorify Him. it also illuminates our hearts.

depth of sin in my heart, depth of mercy from His stores.

*happy sigh*

college this time next week.

His love endures forever.

(for the nickname-less one)

[Starry-eye & terrified, because I haven't been in a snowstorm since the last decade. I squint my eyes & see a chocolate in the snow, bite into it & find a scrap of paper in the center with just a heart drawn on it. Then I look up & see the light outside your window, & begin to hope that the next decade a snowstorm comes around, we're out in it together]

books/music/associativeness

Since i typically listen to music while I'm reading, sometimes a song that comes on during the book connects in my head to the plot line. Or I'll hear a song later on after finishing the book & my mind will associate the book plot with the plot of the song.

List of books/songs I've done that with:

We The Living, by Ayn Rand/Lisztomania, by Phoenix
(the "from the mess to the masses" line made me think of Kira wandering streets in Russia & dreaming about being an architect.

The Thief/The King of Attolia/The Queen of Attolia, Megan Whalen Turner/It's All Been Done, Barenaked Ladies-

(a bit of an unlikely match-up, since the book series takes place in a sort of ancient Greece setting, but the weird romance in the song reminds me of the weird love-saga between Eugenides & Attolia...cynical, but a realistic process.)

Ender's Game, Orson Scott Card/Fun & Games, Barenaked Ladies (again)

-Just paralleled the alien theme & the government being so flippant with the cadet's lives.

East of Eden,John Steinbeck/Hurtin' You, Ben Kweller

- After Una Hamilton dies & it hits Samuel Hamilton really hard & in turn it causes fault lines to form among the whole Hamilton family...that's what this song reminds me of about East of Eden ("you're the only one who can pull it through...", etc.)

Perhaps the oddest match-up of all? (I actually was listening to this album while reading the book) :

The Brother's Karamazov, Dostoevsky/This Ain't Goodbye, Train:

We were stars up in the sunlit sky
No one else could see
Neither of else ever thought to ask why
It wasn't meant to be
Maybe we were way too high
To ever understand
We were victims of all the foolish plans
We began to divide ...

Because between Katerina & Dmitri is basically that same dialogue. More how Katerina feels, like a victim of foolish plans they divided.

-Eitherways, how minds associate random things with other random things & connect them can be pretty fascinating...

[driving out of neverland in a boring car]

Today it hit me that I was almost-completely driving out of Neverland in a boring car when I ate an apple recently & peeled the sticker off without even thinking about it.

Reason: I haven't peeled a sticker off of an apple. EVER. I always make a priority of eating it (even if I'm by myself) & if there are people there, they always ask me why & I tell them it's just a weird tradition.

*Sigh. Suppose my time had to come, but I didn't want it to be so very quick....

[why do you let me stay here?] -she&him

Why don't you sit right down and stay awhile?
We like the same things and I like your style
Its not a secret; why do you keep it?
I'm just sitting on the shelf

I got to get your presence
Let's make it known
I think you're just so pleasant
I would like you for my own

a billion odd people....

I'd be your one and only, but I'd only let you down. Well I want your love but I don't know what I'd do with it. 'Cause there's a hundred fifty thousand people better than me no, there's a hundred million people that are better for you, no there's a billion odd people that are better than me...but you don't know them, and they don't care about you..

all the little random things.

like eating candy a certain way when you're little...
(did you lick your blow pop or bite into the center right away?)

or the way that very occassionally the song that's been in your head all day long comes on the radio & you spend 'til the first chorus jumping up & down excited &
mayhaps texting someone to tell them it happened.

hideous garden gnomes in people's front yards.

finally learning to blow bubbles with your gum, learning to snap your fingers. (i'd say learning to whistle, but i still can't.)

the weird colored blobs you see in front of your eyes when you rub them.

meeting someone in the most randomest way & becoming best mates later on (eh, almost sounds like a fan page thing on facebook?)

llamas instead of horses or cows in a field.

[& merry-happy e-mails you don't expect.]

is this REAL LIFE? (well, yeah. but i'm not on novacaine.)

-springs in 11 DAYS!!! *squee*

& eclipse party tomorrow....i do so love an excuse to make salsa, play quelf, go to a stupid movie, sleep for not very long, & MAKE WAFFLES (in the morning ;)

now playing: red hot chili peppers, dani california. ahhh.

missin' caro, so glad she's having such a chillax summer with no chemistry tests, man.

what an amazing family God stuck me in.

emily kiesling, i'd also like to say thanks for such a fantasmically funny day yest. "it's a fat camp?!?"

(watch heavyweights, hysterical film)

"For the word of the LORD is upright,
and all his work is done in faithfulness.
He loves righteousness and justice;
the earth is full of the steadfast love of the LORD."

-Psalm 33.

common threads & ideas to add to the lists.

Great Hope

is the best, besides being the best already

because it's our common thread

&

one can never go wrong

talking about it

-since truth is so rare-

but also,

i want to fill water balloons with paint & find some darts to throw against a white backdrop & see

what kind of art we could come up with

& find candy legos & build a chalky city.

i don't feel angry that i have to wait

anticipation wins out,

like it almost never does.

THIS IS MY SONG (carbon leaf)

My name is Luck, this is my song
I happened by while you were gone, well...
I apologize that I could not stay
But I hope good things swing your way
I know they will... here's your horseshoe
So best of luck to you

For the stable running brave
From the cradle to the grave
This is my day, this is my song
I am alive... what can go wrong?
If we're on our way-oh, ok let me know
If we're on our way-oh, ok then, let's go

My name is Hope, Luck just ran out
He said he'd return, without a doubt
(ah, but don't you believe him!)
Oh, I happen to have a message from Love
She told me she knows what you've been dreaming of
My name is Hope, this is my song
When things go wrong

For the stable running brave
From the cradle to the grave
This is my day, this is my song
I am alive, what can go wrong?
If we're on our way-oh, ok let me know
If we're on our way-oh, ok then, let's go

Through the windswept countryside
Across the great divide
For the stable running brave
From the cradle to the grave

This is my day, this is my song
As long as I'm alive what can go wrong?
If we're on our way-oh, ok let me know
If we're on our way-oh, ok then, let's go

grapevine fires...

so mayhaps i listen to too much death cab for cutie, but their kind of sad music makes me think about winter, something i know scarcely anything about.

[so i like it]

& another excuse is that it reminds me of days when i listened to it & it caused me to feel deep helpless sorrow. now i can look at it from the outside, knowing i'm no slave to fear.

it's still a sort of precipice i should stay away from, i daresay.

but emotional adrenaline is

[just one more thing i'm not sure about]

[because we had just outrun a snowstorm]

i always felt like our love was too modern-

too much typing, more conversations had when we were both being in our opposite states

you in your one-story house & me on my 2nd floor...so i fell in love with not being alone, because

it should have been-

both of us driving through downtown anycity or wandering through a flea market that seemed like a better idea the night before.


or paying $3 for a cup of coffee because we had just outrun a snowstorm.

so can we travel back a few hundred days & take back all those silly texts & be face to face best friends?

-- it'd be our best choice.

(written in cursive with a blue pen)

If i could make you come back with just one stanza I'd write you one with words like 'maddeningly' ('no!', you'd say, 'don't be so dramatic, craze.')

-with Spanish accent marks misplaced over every syllable

i'd use colors like carnelian

& add in everything I remember saying that ever

made you laugh.

i am so happy.

[read title]

& it's because of salvation. it lies in Your love, Jesus.

mad future-complexity.

Jesus wins. Love does conquer all. Injustice & loneliness & deserts & death.

...& in other news, today i saw a car swerve to avoid hitting a vulture/buzzard-thing as it snatched up an armadillo corpse. zombie film, animal style. right before my very eyes.

20 days 'til white sulphur springs, one of my favorite places on the swiftly tilting planet.

<3

so many of us dream of you

i'm afraid you won't see the sun
i'm afraid you won't taste the summer
i'm afraid you won't feel my heart
beating next to yours.

i'm sick of all the lies,
i'm sick of too much talk,
i'm sick of everybody saying
that there's not enough room.

so many empty arms.
so many vacant hearts.
so many of us dream about you
and would die to hold you.

so

i will go to war for you.
i will not give up on you.
i will not stop burning for you
or weeping.

love.loss.hope.repeat? not anymore

title says most of what's on my mind.

deep love owed to Jesus because life without him is :

finding fulfillment in human love for even a few months, then it'd crash & days would get longer & longer & the nights would be quickly gone...the cycle kept going & going on 'til Jesus stepped in.

(so there's alots of background & details i'm not shading in, because sin has lost its power & significance.)

now life is light, because God is light, & in Him is no darkness AT ALL.

cate gets married in THREE DAYS.

stream of consciousness yeaaah

watched zombieland tonight. hilarious.

spanish parties be a bit crazy at times...they have second dinner at 3 am- burgers on the grill. for once i was at one of the parties the neighbors wish wasn't happening :P

aaand caroline e. pilgrim is amazin'. best road trip partner alive.

= 1 flat tire, 2 pilgrims, 3 tattoos on mike who helped us, four diet cokes before 10 am ;)

alot of other good quotes. so you had to be there. who cares.

herb is pronounced HERB. not urb. oops.

maggie miller is also a great woman.

it be 2 am.

in two months i'm going to COLLEGE.

this is scary.

(& since this is a blog i can be selfish & talk about just myself. ain't that the point of most blogs? heh)

wells, i miss all the people i can't be with all at once.

aye.

Grace Upon Grace

Grace upon Grace
Sandra McCracken

In every station, new trials and new troubles
Call for more grace than I can afford
Where can I go but to my dear Savior
For mercy that pours from boundless stores.


Grace upon grace, every sin repaired
Every void restored, you will find Him there
In every turning He will prepare you
With grace upon grace.

He made a way for the fallen to rise
Perfect in glory and sacrifice
In sweet communion my need He supplies
He saves and keeps and guards my life

To Thee I run now with great expectation
To honor You with trust like a child
My hopes and desires seek a new destination
and all that You ask Your grace will provide.